This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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