he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
