first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I supernannyed him into submission
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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