If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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