he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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