it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
