so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."