i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
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All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
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I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.