if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall