Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill