All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize