I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
