Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
