I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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