I'm really into asian looking animals
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize