i need an iv and a liver transplant
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize