On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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