38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just cropdusted the office
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
