Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is it because I queefed?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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