just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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