it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
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If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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