You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
