Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
