you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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