Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
