Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
