You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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