My girlfriend figured out who you are.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
