It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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