there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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