Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
