frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
