please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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