she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
