haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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