Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
