i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there's paper in my vomit.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
