Got a toothbrush?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize