I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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