I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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