After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
