Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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