My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
