So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Someone came in the potted fern
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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