Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
