this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
