i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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