We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
