Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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