My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
