I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
