Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
