so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
