Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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