Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
