I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
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Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
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Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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