i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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