Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
