The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
