I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I am one with the molecules
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
