some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
