mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
